The Mona Lisa is one of the most famous paintings of all time, and is considered one of Master Painter Leonardo da Vinci’s greatest works. Named ‘La Joconda’ or ‘La Gioconde’, the fact that she gets to have a Cracked Topics page is testament to her fame.
The features of the painting have been the source of wide speculation, with theories ranging from scientific to crossdresser iffic. (We are not kidding. Read on.)
The Mona Lisa currently resides in the Musee du Louvre, Paris, where it is in constant guard and protected by enough security devices to ward a platoon of Dan Brown enthusiasts, Lupin III,
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Leonardo da Vinci was and remains one of the art world’s most respectable artists. Born in 1452, describing him as a ‘very talented person’ is an understatement so very ‘under ‘ that Morlocks peer down on it from a twenty foot hole. As one of the most balls to the wall talented persons who ever walked the Earth, he received many accolades from the modern world,
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Also, Da Vinci is only one of four only four people who have had the divine privilege of his name being used for an anthropomorphic turtle who happens to be a ninja. Let’s see you put that on your resume.
Depicted: A symbol of goddamned privilege.
Da Vinci’s other famous works include the Vitruvian Man, an illustrated study on the proportions of the human body relating to architecture and geometry (read: a four armed dude with no pants on),
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The small handwriting details Da Vinci’s intricate plans to ventilate his critics,
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It is unknown when Da Vinci decided to begin the Mona Lisa, but it was put close to 1503 or 1504 in Italy. After working awhile on initial drawings, Da Vinci following up what appears to be the longest initial work on a painting with what appears to be the longest procrastination periods known to man, abandoning work on the painting after four years. The great artist finished his painting in 1519, which only tells us that you can do jack for a few years and still come out on top.
"Eh,
Order Cheap Shoes Free Run Tiffany Blue, I’ve done enough for today. I’ll just finish the rest of my soon to be one of the most popular paintings in history tomorrow. Or three years later. Whatever."The Mona Lisa’s background shows a riverbed, near a winding road covered by the subject’s body. That road presumably leads to a bridge seen to the right of the painting,
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What is important is that scholars have noticed a suspicious error in the way Da Vinci aligned the background. The horizon of the left side of the painting appears to be unaligned with the horizon on the right side.
What could be the mystery behind this error? Was this evidence that Da Vinci started on the left side,
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Although that last theory brings a strange not to mention bowel voiding new context to Da Vinci’s masterpiece, one of the most popular and well supported reasons is that Da Vinci deliberately did this as an art technique. Not aligning the surfaces causes the left side of The Mona Lisa to look larger than the right side. For some reason (magic) this makes Mona Lisa look prettier from the left. Also, skimming through the pages of The Da Vinci Code says that Da Vinci did this because he believed left was the symbol of feminine beauty, and wanted to emphasize its importance. He may be a genius at this, but to us ordinary people it’s like you wearing a size 12 shoe with a size 10 one because you think your left toe is cuter than the other.
Little know about Conan O’Brien’s support of Da Vinci’s ‘Emphasize One Side More Than the Other’ Technique,
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The Subject
The true identity of the woman in the Mona Lisa has been the topic of intellectual discussion for decades. Some of the interesting theories:
Little is known about how this theory came into existence, but ideas remain about how the smile of the painting could have originated from his mother, Caterina.
Nah, She was Da Vinci’s Girlfriend
Isabella of Aragon,
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An Italian scientist, Dr. Vito Franco,
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Another theory states that the woman was pregnant when she posed for the painting. The garment worn by the subject was said to be something worn by women who were expecting during Da Vinci’s time,
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It was Da Vinci Dressed in Drag
Research (and also possibly an insight inducing amount of quaaludes) has shown that the Mona Lisa’s face contains geometrical similarities to Da Vinci’s own. If this theory is true, then Da Vinci totally painted a self portrait of him in drag,
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Da Vinci’s sexuality was also an intense topic of discussion. Historians have uncovered details about Da Vinci’s being charged for sodomy, his close relationships with his young (male) proteges, as well as his long lasting relationships with men such as Gian Giacomo Caprotti da Oreno and Count Francisco Melzi. This doesn’t remove the fact that Da Vinci is a genius. What it is, however, is what we call ‘pretty damning evidence’ that Mona Lisa might be Da Vinci.
Newsflash, moron. Einhorn is Finkle.
The most plausible answer to her identity was that she was Lisa del Giocondo,
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