Again,
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Because he’s such a good guy,
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The businesses would of course refuse to accept the payment for nonexistent goods, but would at the same time find themselves overcome with unwarranted admiration for Offen’s "honesty." When he called back later to place more orders,
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So what did he do with such a random assortment of stolen goods? Start a shitty general store? Stage an epic rendition of Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat? Just dress up like a pretty,
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Carlton Rich used his one phone call to ring up his girlfriend,
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414571 010 Air Jordan 13 Bred 2013(15), with Rich himself on three way. Rich pulled a killer impersonation of a prison official in New Mexico (which we imagine sounding like Boss Hogg) and granted himself bail.

"According to the screeching robot in our break room,
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But of course, Rich had orchestrated the fax as well: It was sent by his girlfriend whom we should note sounds like a hell of a multitasking receptionist,
Air Jordan IX 9 Powder Black Grey(18), if this whole "accomplice to fraud" thing ever falls through from a copy store not far from the prison’s perimeter walls. And incredibly,
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310805 010 Nike Air Jordan 10 X Retro Black White(23), the caged man stepped out into the dazzling glare of freedom .

And then ran straight to his girlfriend’s house,
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Nike Air Yeezy 2 Green Lantern(1), and settled in for a few days of hot,
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And that’s exactly where police found him,
305381 061 Nike Air Jordan 8 VIII Retro Playoffs(6), three full days after his escape: Still snuggled warmly in bed with his phone pal, presumably secure in the belief that the rule of "no take backsies" applies to prison terms. For their part, the police and prison officials were pretty embarrassed by Rich’s push button breakout, with head investigator Amadeo Ortiz explaining the escape by stating the obvious:

"The man is very, very slick."

"No,
360968 991 A Nike Air Jordan 5 V Raging Bull Defining Moments Package II(18), literally,
Nike Air Jordan 4 IV Air Force One Fusion AJF 4 Varsity Royal Cement Grey(16), he just got out of prison and spent three straight days boning. To check out more of him, visit his blog or follow him on Twitter.

For more baffling bad guys, check out The 7 Most Baffling Criminal Defenses (That Sort of Worked) and The 7 Most Retarded Criminal Excuses of All Time.

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